How to Communicate With a High D Without It Turning Into a Standoff

A VP in Houston was responsible for more people leaving that organization than anything else. Full stop. He was a brute to work with. He spoke over people, never stuck to the agenda, and truly did not care what anyone thought of him.

For a long time, none of it landed on him. It took someone above him finally sitting him down and showing him the pattern: how often his name had come up in exit interviews as the reason a genuinely talented person walked out the door. That got his attention. Not the feedback he’d been given for years. The count.

So we gave him a few things to work on. Learn to actively listen. Stop attacking people. Encourage dialogue instead of ending it. Stay neutral on the content while keeping everyone locked on the objective.

At first? People were freaked out. This wasn’t the man they knew, and the change was abrupt enough to make them nervous. But then something shifted. He’d ask a question, and instead of bracing for impact, people actually answered. They engaged. Morale started to turn. So did the turnover. All because one man decided to learn how to flex his style.

That’s what this is really about. So let’s talk about the High D.

First, learn to read one

DISC is how people communicate, and the beauty of it is that it’s observable. We walk around every day with our graphs practically stamped on us. You don’t need someone to fill out an assessment to start reading them. You just need to know what you’re looking at.

A High D (the D is for Dominance) gives off two tells almost immediately.

They’re focused on tasks, not the room. And they do a lot of telling. Tell you what to do, tell you how to do it, tell you all the things. Some people move through the world asking; Ds and Is do most of the telling, while the S and C (Compliance) styles do more of the asking. The D also happens to be task-focused rather than relational, which is why the direct-and-telling combination is such a reliable fingerprint.

Add in the pace. They move fast. They talk fast. They lead meetings fast, and they expect you to keep up, which means they don’t always leave you room to process before they’re on to the next thing. And when results aren’t showing up? The fuse is short. If you feel that flash of frustration coming off someone when things aren’t going their way, you’re almost certainly looking at a D.

Direct. Decisive. A doer. Those are the words I reach for. At their best, that’s exactly what they are.

Why they get read as “bossy”

Now the hard part. Because the same person can come across as demanding, aggressive, domineering — none of which is how they see themselves.

Our self-perception and other people’s perception of us are rarely the same thing. The D thinks she’s being decisive and efficient. Her team hears an order. And here’s what I’ll be direct about: nine times out of ten, the “bossy” version of a D isn’t their real behavior. It’s the style overused, usually under stress. Stress pushes all of us into the unproductive edge of our wiring, and stress right now is running high for almost everyone.

So before you decide someone is difficult, ask whether you’re seeing who they are or who they are on a bad quarter.

How to actually talk to one

You’ve read the person. It’s High D behavior. Now what do you do with your half of the conversation?

Be direct back. This is the whole game. Take your own emotion and set it down first, because if you come in hot, you’ll go head-to-head, and that only cranks the volume up on both sides. Don’t argue with a D to win. They’re competitive, they like to win, and they usually will.

Then, get to the point. Fast.

When you go on and on, piling up background and context and every little detail, you’re muddying the water for someone whose whole brain is racing toward the bottom line. Here’s a mental trick I actually use: think in bullet points. Where are we going? Start there. Then fill in a detail or two only if it’s needed. Not the reverse.

A few more things that land well with a D:

Stick to business. In a work setting, the chit-chat that makes an I or an S feel comfortable reads as a delay to a D. Skipping it isn’t cold. It’s respectful of their time, and they will notice.

Come prepared. Don’t be late. Don’t be disorganized. Don’t be the person saying “let me get back to you.” Bring answers, options, and a next step, packaged neatly. To a D, a well-prepared conversation is a sign of respect.

Lead with “what.” What do you need? What’s the problem? What’s the bottom line? Ds lean into the “what” question because it points straight at a solution they can act on.

And when you disagree, and you will, disagree with the facts, not the person. Give them options rather than a verdict. Ds want to solve it themselves; hand them two or three clear choices and let them pick. Make a decision for a D and you’ve taken away the part of the work they live for.

What’s actually great about them

I don’t want this to read like a survival guide for a difficult coworker, because that’s not how I see the D at all.

They’re self-starters. They’ll take initiative and chase something down faster than any other style. They’re visionaries — always looking forward, always pushing the group ahead, which is exactly what you want when a team is stuck in status quo. They place enormous value on time, theirs and yours. And they’re tenacious in a way that gets hard things over the line.

If we can’t learn to appreciate our differences, we drive each other crazy. That’s the real cost here. None of us can be everything a team needs, and the D fills gaps that the quieter, more relational styles simply won’t. Want that person on your side when the deadline is real? So do I.

If you are the High D

Maybe you’ve read all of this and recognized yourself. Good. This part’s for you, and I’m going to use the word challenge on purpose, because you rise to one.

For the next 30 minutes, set a timer. Every time you interact with someone, count how often you tell versus how often you ask. Then try rephrasing a command as a question, asking for the information instead of issuing the instruction. And then, the harder part, pause and actually listen to the answer.

It’s genuinely tough for a D who’s wired to tell. Try it at work. Try it at home. It’s often at home that it matters most.

That small shift — from telling to asking — is usually the entire difference between a D who’s respected and a D who’s tolerated.

Take a complimentary DISC assessment. It takes about 10 to 15 minutes, and seeing your own communication style laid out on the page is where the flexing starts.

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Frequently Asked Questions

What does “High D” mean in DISC?

The D in DISC stands for Dominance, and a “High D” is someone whose behavior sits strongly in that style. In practice that looks like a direct, fast-paced, results-driven person who focuses on tasks and does more telling than asking. They love a challenge and a problem to solve. Reading the direct style correctly is the first step to communicating with it — you can see the full set of styles in the four DISC styles explained, or explore how the framework works on the DISC assessments page.

Why do High D people come across as aggressive?

Usually because their style is being overused, often under stress. A D genuinely believes they’re being decisive and efficient, while the person on the receiving end hears a demand. That gap between self-perception and how we land on others is at the heart of it, and stress only widens it. Remember: “bossy” is usually a good style having a bad day, not someone’s true character. Understanding that difference is a big part of what a DISC debrief actually opens up for a team.

How do I communicate with a High D at work?

Be direct, be specific, and get to the point quickly. Think in bullet points rather than long explanations, stick to business, and come to the conversation prepared with answers and clear options. Lead with “what” questions, disagree with facts rather than with the person, and give them choices instead of deciding for them. Above all, keep your own emotion in check so the exchange doesn’t turn into a head-to-head contest — a D will usually win that, and nobody actually wanted the fight.

I think I’m a High D. How do I come across better?

Start by noticing how often you tell versus ask. Set a timer for 30 minutes and, each time you interact with someone, try turning a command into a question, then pause to listen to the answer. That one habit — asking instead of telling — tends to change how people receive you more than anything else. If you want to work on it with your whole team, our team sessions are built around exactly this kind of flexing.

Is DISC just about labeling people?

No. DISC is a neutral, observable language for how people communicate, not a box to file someone in. The point isn’t to decide a coworker is “a D” and move on; it’s to appreciate what a style brings and adjust how you connect with it. None of us can be everything a team needs, so learning to read and flex toward other styles is how the gaps get filled. That’s the whole reason to start with a complimentary DISC assessment — self-awareness first, then flexing.